On date #5 Magnum P.I. says – have we met before? SHIT! I was right! We have dated before! I was talking about this kayaking adventure I had and he remembered it! Neither of us remember anything else about dating one another. I thought he seemed familiar on our very first date and that his name seemed familiar, as well as that his name was in my phone already! I thought he had some kind of fancy texting thing that automatically populated his name! That’s how I explained it away. And then now he remembers me telling him this story and nothing else. How weird is that?!
So I have officially started cycling back through the dating pool! Time to move!
The date went really well, as always. I really enjoy spending time with him. We hiked and then went to lunch and it was about 5 hours of comfortable conversation and laughing. He randomly kissed me a couple times, but when I took his hand he let go pretty quickly and never made an attempt to get it back. He just seems to have his guard up with me. Which he did warn me about. I did tell him that I thought he was moving too slow and I couldn’t tell if he was really interested. He said that he is and made a half hearted attempt at making future plans by saying that I owed him Les Mis. (We had talked about renting it together) But then, no date was set.
This whole week passed with little communication. Turns out he was sick, but still. So I tell myself he’s not interested and that I’m going to let it go and sign up for the dating service again. Then he texts me to make plans for next week. He wants to go surfing. Then we have a flirty little text conversation. It’s like he knows the moment I’m about to give up on him and reels me back in.
I have an appointment with the dating service on Monday. I think I’m going to just do it and put it all out there. You never know how you’re going to find your person, so you might as well play big! If I don’t I will always wonder.
So CHEERS! to playing big and not going home alone!
Dating At A Turtle's Pace 
UGH! What’s up with guys and hand-holding? Day-long 2nd date with a guy, 1st date was great – we held hands, kissed, laughed a lot. 2nd date was almost a month later because I was traveling, and when I got bold and grabbed his hand, he let go pretty quickly, too! Then he grabbed it a while later, let go again, grabbed it again. He was adamant about making plans for a 3rd date, but no kiss at the end of the date. I hate mixed signals! Considering canceling this 3rd date…
Right?! I feel you. I am going through the same dilemma with magnum… He doesn’t seem to be putting in effort, but keeps asking me out. The inner dialogue in my head is crazy. I’m debating between asking him where this is going or if I can just chill out and be patient and let it stay at his pace. So I don’t know. I would say see him again if you can get out of your head about it. If its going to drive you crazy, then it’s not worth it. I haven’t decided for me yet… Let me know what you decide! 🙂
Honestly, I’d say to give him a chance since some guys are just really, really slow…until it hits them like a ton of bricks. One guy I was dating was super casual about everything. He kept asking me out and wanting to see me but he didn’t seem to be crazy into me either. That was pretty unacceptable so I delegated him to the sidelines in my dating mind, didn’t see him for a few weeks (but talked occasionally) and he ended up really liking me. He just needed to move at his own turtle pace and weigh everything out – typical Virgo.
Anyway, my point is some guys are slow…just do you own thing and he’ll probably realize how awesome you are and stop with the mixed signals.
Thanks, I need reminding about that. I tend to focus too much on one guy when I like someone and then I want to spend lots of time with them! Good advice and that’s exactly what I’ll do – put him on my dating back burner. I want someone who will make me a top priority and he’s been clear that I’m not. So I will keep hanging out with him until I don’t enjoy it and meanwhile, back to drawing board. Joined OKC and Zoosk, and man are there some weirdos! 🙂 Talk about quantity over quality! Yikes!
So I just wanted to tell you, you were right. I totally put him on the back burner and stopping trying. I even said this wasn’t working for me and wanted to end it. He called me, begged me to go out with him again, which I reluctantly decided to, then he made me a steak and lobster dinner and took me to a play. He was the most affectionate he’s ever been, holding my hand and kissing me and keeping contact. Total 180. It’s funny, but our last conversation was that he was dating other people and I wasn’t so I was going to start. Now he’s upset that I’m dating other people!
Ha! So thanks for the awesome advice!!!!
Ugh! What *is* that??? And how hard is it to just put in a liiiiittle bit more effort? It’s so difficult to resist the urge to just straight-up ask, “What’s the dealio?” I guess the bottom line is, we can’t always be on the same page as the other person, especially not so early on — and to be honest, do we *really* need to know exactly where we stand? Sure, we’d like to, but maybe it’s fair to let the other person sort out their feelings if we can stand it long enough. Plus, maybe we think we know what we want at one point in time, but that changes sometimes. Were there any specific evanmarckatz blog posts that you read that have helped you play it cool early on? I struggle with this so much…I feel like I’m doing a good job, but if he were to see me sitting at home texting my friends incessantly about him, he’d probably freak and run screaming! Date’s on Tuesday after work, so I have a little bit of time to decide. I haven’t heard anything from him since this past Tuesday night…blah
I agree, it’s really just me being selfish and wanting to feel better. If I actually had some patience, maybe this wouldn’t be as big of a deal! I have a couple friends that I text what I would like to say to him just so I can get it out there and feel a little better. 🙂 Thank goodness for that! Guys think girls are crazy because we are! I hate it!
As for the blog, what I normally do is type into the question box something like “should I text him” or “online dating emails” – look through the posts and then search the “related posts” at the bottom. I also get his emails (which are almost everyday and all trying to convince me to buy his book or sign up for his coaching), but they normally strike a cord and give me a reality check. I wish I had saved some titles and could tell you which I’ve liked. The only thing I’ve done is copied some of the advice I like and emailed to myself. 🙂 Basically to remember to chill out! Apparently I need to be told often…
Oh, and there was this fun table about whether we should text the guy or not. Try to find that! Funny! It almost always goes to NO! 🙂
I was researching dating services and came across this blog. Exactly what we were talking about!
Check it out! http://datingcoachdeanna.com/ashlee-from-the-bachelor
🙂 How many more times do I have to hear to let them do the work and stop trying to control everything?!
That is too funny! I have yet to have a “ReDate” but I can see how it could happen and how it would be possible to only vaguely remember the person from the first time around.
On another note, your Magnum sounds like a classic Avoidant….
Yes, he does. So this might sound a little weird, but I realized today that one of things that I really like about him is that he reminds me of my Dad. He is super outgoing and is making new friends wherever we go and is just hilarious with him sarcastic, witty sense of humor. Realizing that makes me want to both hang out with him more, and end it now! You can’t tell me that dating isn’t a journey into self realization. Good Lord!